No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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