I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
