You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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