Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
