either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
