Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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