ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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