hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
