Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
