Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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