I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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