im drinking this country out of the recession.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
