she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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