If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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