She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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