you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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