i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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