stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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