My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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