when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
