I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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