Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize