I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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