Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
