Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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