It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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