he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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