no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
