had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
