i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
time to smoke my breakfast
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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