Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know her cup size but not her name....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
