Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize