omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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