dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
