...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
