Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My bed smells like the plague
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
