peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize