The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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