Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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