Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
