i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
