You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
