When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
