My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
