Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
