did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
