I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
