She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
