You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
