I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When are your genitals available?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
