walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
