ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
