I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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