ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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