we're chasing vodka with high fives
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
