brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
