Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
