Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
