i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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