My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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