Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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