i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
