Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize