o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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