I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
