Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
