had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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