Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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