I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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