There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
