We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
