Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
