My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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