So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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