someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
