DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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