just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize