I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
