Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
