I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize