talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
