You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sarcasm needs its own font
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Panties = found
Randomize
