google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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