After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
