Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize