I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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