Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
