She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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