I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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