I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
