We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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