i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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