I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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