You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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