i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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