as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
