they said they heard you say put it in my butt
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Randomize
