Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
