she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize