i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
operation have a gay friend backfired
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
