Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
