I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
