Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
