Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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