guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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