drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
