I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
