FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
