Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
