somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
